Weird dreams

So last night I had a dream that I was making out with one of my authors. But it was a weird hybrid of him and one of my friends (they bear a striking resemblance). To creep it out further, it was in my childhood bedroom, with twin bed that I haven't had since like 4th grade. And my mom walked in. And my author had feety PJ's on.

WTF????

Now that you're all royally creeped out...

But at least he's a dude. And young. And attractive. So at lest I have make-out dreams with cute guys.

Play-by-play confirmation hearings

Here's General Hayden, asking for "1 meeeeeeeeeelion dollars" if he becomes head of the CIA.

And here he is, showing off his amazing martials arts skills for Sen. Mike DeWine (R) Ohio. I believe he studied under Jackie Chan.

Elevator hater

Just a thought: when you get into the elevator and push the button for your floor, move to the back. Don't block the whole button console. I don't care if you're getting off on Floor 2, it's just rude, because then no one can get to the buttons, and you end up making everyone else getting onto the elevator jostle around. I'm sorry if you're so self-absorbed that you think you're the priority, but it's sheer laziness.

Same with those morons who crowd the subways doors. Someone will always be running for a train, so move the hell out of the doorway, at least while it's open. The tourists are the worst - I understand they just might not get it, but if you can't ride public transportation safely and smartly, take a damn cab. I'd suggest waking, but they're always the slow ones who take the whole sidewalk, and I don't want to deal with that either.

Get out there and read, dammit.

I dig what Elizabeth Crane is doing here.

What better person to start with, than one of my favorite people/writers, George Saunders.

(Ed. note: Ok, so i'm a little biased, since I am his publicist. But he is the nicest human being alive, and deserves all good things that come to him. And he's an amazing funny, brilliant writer.)

John McCain has gone to the dark side

John McCain is cozying up to the conservative right for his next Presidential bid. To think what he could accommplish as a uniter, not divider?

Shame, shame. I would have voted for you, had you not gone slummin' to the right. Dammit.

Just graduate, dude

This is the lamest person alive:
http://www.cnn.com/2006/EDUCATION/05/10/perpetual.student.ap/index.html

Even Tommy Boy didn't take this long. Fat guy in a little coooooooooooat.....

Human Fish and Mormons

Why is David Blaine such a freak? Since when is THIS news??

On a happier note, that freaky pedophile fundamentalist/wannabe prophet Warren Jeffs is on the FBI's Top 10 Most Wanted list. Sweet.

Seriously, the FDLS freak me out a bit. One of the best books I've read (and definitely one of the top 5 non-fiction books) is Under the Banner of Heaven, by Jon Krakauer, who delves into the Mormon Church, aka The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

It's an interesting eye-opener, but especially scary is the FDLS, the Mormon Fundamentalists, who split from the main Mormon Church in the 1800s when it condoned polygamy. They're bleeding the goverment dry by collecting welfare (more than $6 million a year, since by polygamy's standards, men are married to several women, but those women are not recognized as wives - and they have broods of children. Hence, single mom-dom). It's a fascinating book and insight into one of the fastest growing religions in the world.

Sonsabitches

Goddamn that stupid Chase Bank commericial - you know, the one with the girl and her daddy and then it's her wedding. And thank God for Chase, because they allow Daddy to pay for the whole she-bang.

Too bad I'm all PMS-y and hormonal and it made me tear up. Now that just pisses me off. Glad I don't bank with those fuckers, toying with my emotions like that.

Word origin

So where does "in the hopper" come from? I just used that, and have no idea what it means. Perhaps I should query Patricia O'Connor.

Or maybe my friend Rockstar knows.

Sergeant Honeynuts at your service

This is the greatest thing ever:
http://cheekysquirrel.net/squirrelname/index.php

You all can all me Sgt. Honeynuts from here on out. Or Lt. Bacones. Although Funbags has dibs on that one.

Seriously, Down With Oprah

Perhaps I was just blind, dumb, or drunk for the entire reign of Queen Biyatch herself, Oprah, and her reign of terror that started 2 decades ago and unfortunately continues today, but isn't her whole MO "to help people." I mean, isn't that why she has the quack Dr. Phil firmly planted up her tush? I mean, she gave out cars to underprivileged people! She helped with disasters! She got people to read! She brought "The Color Purple" to Broadway! Oh, Oprah, how could we survive without you telling us what to do?!

Funny then, that she just ruined James Frey's life for really no good reason at all. Well, I guess her reason is that he made her look bad. Because with the big O, it's really just all about her. At least her magazine circulation is falling steadily.

When will those middle-aged God-fearing housewives stop drinking her crappy kool-aid? I mean, it just ain't good. She doesn't put sugar in it or anything - just a big ol' shot of bitter. Then again, bitter is the new black (but this one's actually good...)

Oprah is the Enron of TV: Get as high as you can go, and then start destroying everyone below you.

Nice tattoo

Wow, so many horrible things i could say about this guy, but let's just leave it at, man....if you didn't already think a picture was worth a thousand words, here's proof...

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217061fy1.html

Down with Dunkin Donuts

I think Starbucks coffee is garbage and an absolute rip-off (although they make a mean rice krispie treat). Hence, my coffee of choice when purchasing is Dunkin Donuts. There's been this big surge of them in Manhattan in the past few years, and a big hullaballoo about "coffee class wars" - mainly, the upwardly mobile yuppies who send their kindergartners to $30,000 a year private schools drink the grandiose Starbucks, and the young, urban broke-ass hipsters prefer the DD. Personally, this does make some sense to me, since DD is a cheaper and better cup of coffee than Starbucks, especially since the 'Bucks continues to raise their prices and shrink their cups. I digress.

This past fall a new DD opened a block from my office. Oh, devil store! Unless I want to lose my mind, I refuse to go in there before 11 AM, because one thing that the 'Bucks has going for it that DD doesn't, is that it is a well-oiled machine. Think of Starbucks as the Lexus of coffee shops and DD the Dodge Neon. Functional, and that's about it. Again, I digress.

So every now and again, an afternoon calls for a DD run. This afternoon proved to be no exception, so I went with my friend MAZ and grabbed some joe. My order is not hard. Medium coffee with skim milk. I tossed in a Splenda - again, not hard.

What do I get? Coffee, skim milk, and sugar. HOW HARD is it to put one packet of Splenda instead of 5 scoops of sugar?! I mean, I know Splenda is made from sugar, but that's stretching it.

DD is testing my nerve. I normally put the Splenda in myself, but wanted to give them another shot. I was trusting today. I will not trust again. They will get very few more chances. Until ice coffee season. Then it's free game again.

Winter Wonderland

Park Ave at 89th St, 2:30 PM

27 inches of snow! Biggest snowfall on record! WOO! After a leisurely morning of coffee and homemade bluberry pancakes, my boyfriend and I braced the blizzard to check out the snowfall and swing by his pad across town to pick up few things. It was boo-tiful!

I will be hating trudging through the gray disgusting slush and trying to avoid corner lakes the size of my pond back home, but there is nothing I love more than NY covered in snow. It's quiet and everyone's out enjoying it, and there's barely any traffic and it's just slow and wonderful.

I will be cursing it tomorrow, but today, I was so happy, I just pounced into a pile of snow. I wanted to make a snow angel, but thought that might be too much. I definitely made sure to avoid the yellow stuff.

Boredom and business, etc.

Well, I've been quite busy at the ol' ball and chain (aka job) and just haven't had an interesting thought in my head lately. Hence the lack of posts.

Perhaps tomorrow, a Friday, I'll have something more interesting to say. I will say I went to this hellish horrid kickboxing class last night. Left after about 7 minutes because I don't need a fat dude who's not even exercising screaming at me to kick it. I also did not sign up for boot camp. Jerk. Give me a spinning class any day of the week.

I also love the Arctic Monkeys. Lord knows it can get cold in the UK.

Speaking of cold, a supposed Nor'easter is rolling in this weekend. Um, it was 6o in January. No fair.

Little Britain rides again

I was just informed via Gawker that my most favorite-ist TV series EVER has it's 3rd season coming to BBC America in March. I might seriously have to get cable for this. If you have not seen Little Britain, add it to your Netflix queue immediately. You don't want to be the last one on the bandwagon like you were with the British version of The Office, do you? And by the way, Little Britain is about a million times funnier than The Office, although I do love Ricky Gervais and that Gareth is one great jackass.

Little Britain is just 2 brilliant guys, mostly dressing in drag, acting as these hilarious and wacky recurring characters. Think of it as a cross between Kids in the Hall and Monty Python. British humor at its weirdest and finest. Really, rent this.

Sun shines, furry rodent scampers back in hole

He saw his shadow! So six more weeks of winter. I figured as much, given the mild temps this winter.

On a side note, I feel as though I've lived this week 4 times already. Groundhog Week perhaps?

Twilight Toilet Zone

There is some funky stuff going on in our office bathroom today. This besides the usual "funk" that goes on in there, which I will not get into.

I get in there around 9:10 AM this morning to wash the subway funk off my hands (I call it my kryptonite hand, because anything I touch with it will shrivel and die) and decide to walk into the stalls section to take a tinkle. I open the door from the sinks area to the stalls area and there is an old-lady corset laying in the middle of the floor. At first glance, I thought someone had dropped a peach-colored vest on the floor and then thought, who wears vests anymore? So I took a closer look and there are eye hooks all up the back of it, and it is most definitely a corset. I even went so far as to look for a body under the stall - maybe some old woman passed out or something. Alas, just a corset. On the bathroom floor. At 9 AM. Huh. A few hours later, it had migrated to a hook on the other sinks area, on the opposite side of the stall area. I fear it might have grown legs and gotten there itself - it was a little worse for the wear.

I just made another pit stop and in my stall was a "Surviving Personal Bankruptcy" galley. Now, working in publishing, it is not uncommon to occasionally find a book or galley (pre-book, basically) in the sinks area. But this one was firmly entrenched on the toilet paper holder IN the stall. I guess someone was contemplating their debt while dropping off the kids.

And don't even get me started on the "nesters." That will be for another time.

A dark day for women and liberals everywhere

Well, it's over. Alito has been confirmed. I guess we'll just wait and see.

How it is that the worst president in the history of the country got to confirm TWO justices, one of them as head justice? That's a prime example of life ain't fair. Well, at least it wasn't Harriet Miers. Still, must be nice to be a Bush crony - cush set-ups for life.

Team America, fuck yeah

It is very grave news that Bob Woodruff and his cameraman have suffered serious injuries in a roadside bomb. That said, there's a striking resemblance between Bob and Gary from Team America.