So long, 2006

Another year over. Aside from some unforeseen expenses courtesy of my crappy dental insurance and the removal of my one and only wisdom tooth, the year was fairly good and practically uneventful. Some observances:

I saw more friends get married and got to spend some time in the stupendous Pacific Northwest because of it. Two cousins also got hitched. It was my ten-year high school reunion. I saw friends I hadn't seen in a while. I spent some time in northern Michigan, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite places on the planet.

I saw my grandmother surprised on her 80th birthday, and welcome her 4th great-grandchild into the world. I watched my younger brother and his wife buy their first house. I saw my dad become jobless for a few months for the best possible reason - standing up for himself and personal pride. He's my hero. I heard of home improvement stories from my parents in Ohio, and enjoyed them during my 11-day stay over the holidays.

I read 31 books. I watched numerous movies from Netflix. I got hooked on "Veronica Mars." Gray's Anatomy wooed me all over. I drank lots of wine and visited vineyards on Long Island (NY), the Leelenau Peninsula (MI), and Columbia Valley (WA). I found new exercise loves in spinning and pilates. I gained a little weight - and will remedy that in 2007. I chopped my hair off.

I spent time with those who matter - boyfriend, friends, and family. Nothing earth-shattering or really life-changing. But it was a good year. I look forward to ringing in 2007 (that one will be earth-shattering/life-changing) at a good friend's apartment tonight. I'll toast with some bubbly at midnight. And smooch my boy.

And tomorrow, I root for U of M in the Rose Bowl.

Happy New Year!

Home Sweet Home

Well, I have little to blog about as I'm home for the holidays. No crazies on the subway, no bitching about inanities special to the city, barely reading the news or surfing crazy shit on the internet.

However, I will say "Schadenfreude!" to that whoremonger Judith Regan.

Oh, and I'm drinking lots of wine. And I got a delicious Mocha Porter from Rogue Brewery as well.

I also saw "The Holiday" this morning - a matinee for only $6.75, woo! And it was just delightful. For those of you who have seen it, I thought the Iris-Arthur friendship was just the most endearing thing. Kudos to Nancy Meyer for that.

My boring life. I love it at the moment. Days of doing nothing, a cure for the blahs indeed!

Best Christmas Story re-enactment ever

Enjoy - profusely.

I love those bunnies!

Happy Birthday Bob!

Don't forget to get your pets spayed and neutered....

It's my favorite game show host's birthday today!

Bob Barker was born on this day in 1925.

Spin the wheel!

Conan Rules

I am behind on this (the Times beat me to it, perish!) but I don't watch late-night TV. However, I do think Conan's show is brilliant and witty, and he epitomizes that with this, his new kitsch, Horny Manatee.

Check the site above. Do not attept this at your place of business.

This day in history

Jim Morrison was born. (1943)

John Lennon was killed. (1980)

The Grateful Dead broke up. (1995)

The U.S. entered WWII after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. (Dec. 7, 1941)

Quite an eventful date, especially for the music world.

nacHOS...in Diff'rent Area Codes...

It's time again. To travel to New Jersey for nachos. To go from 212 to 201. From 10014 to 07032.

Lisa and I will make the pilgimmage. And come back deliriously happy, courtesy of the LBC (aka The Black Bear).

Moron of the Week Award

Granted, I probably run into someone deserving of this distinction several times a day, but this woman really wins.

You just don't mess around with matches on a plane these days, even to curb your poopypants stench. Just apologize to the person rolling in after you. Don't disrupt the flight.

Weeds

For those of you have not had the pleasure of tuning into Showtime's new-ish series "Weeds," do it this minute. The second season is available on-demand for those of you lucky enough to have it (I catch up on Season 2 while babysitting, since I don't have cable - for the best really), and the first season you can rent on DVD.

It's hilarious, edgy, dark, wacky - and follows a pot-dealing suburban widow on her quest to keep her family thriving with her business.

Mary Louise Parker carries the show brilliantly, but the ensemble cast is key. If Elizabeth Perkins does not get an Emmy nod for this show, there is something wrong. Kevin Nealon is great as a major jack-ass pothead.

I really can't say enough - if you're a fan of Entourage, The Office, Little Britain, Arrested Development, hit it. It's more twisted, but great satire and really smart writing.

Rose Bowl-bound

I just have a small comment t0 finish my U of M rant for this season.

Michigan was robbed of a rematch for the BCS National Title game against OSU.

I thought I would never say this in my whole life, but I hope OSU slays the Gators. Like, wins by 40 points. Florida's only loss was to a #11 ranked team - Michigan's only loss was the to the #1 team in the nation (OSU), and by a measly field goal. Michigan deserved the Buckeye rematch in Glendale.

However, it's now a rematch in Pasadena against USC, a team I hate almost as much as OSU (and forevermore now, Florida). USC beat the crap out of us in 2004, so now, let's show them who really deserved to be in the BCS game.

Hail to the Victors.

Clinton '08

How much more love can I have for Bill Clinton? He's just cut a deal to make HIV drugs more affordable for children around the world, especially in third world countries. That's noble.

He's almost even better not as a president. I'm sure people will say that about GW, but for completely different reasons.

I think it should be a family ticket in '08 - Hill for prez, Bill for V-P.

And by the way....

Paris Hilton is a skanky homewrecker.

But that's not really news...neither is the fact that Brit herself has had her ups and downs. But come on....nothing good comes of being friends with that lazy-eyed ho.

When I wake up in the mornin', the alarm gives out a warnin', I don't think I'll ever make it on time...

Come on, you all know those lyrics! It's from "Saved By the Bell!" We all watched it on Saturday mornings. Best. Show. EVER.

Well, I just might have to check out the new musical this weekend.

Rid yourself of junk mail!

Greendimes has an utterly brilliant idea. Considering I am in a constant state of poor, I am considering throwing them $36 a year to deal with my junk mail and plant a tree instead. Especially because yesterday I got some random sports equipment catalog, courtesy of my name being sold to this company from some random list. At least spam doesn't waste paper.

I'm also sick of shredding all that crap, especially credit card applications. I get like 4 a day.

Give the gift of green!

It's gonna rain on my parade

Well, the parade is out. The Thanksgiving trifecta, me, Jason, and Lisa, were going to venture to 76th and Central Park West to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, per tradition for us New York Oprhans (as I affectionately call us). Last week, all was looking good, weather-wise. 52 and sunny. NICE. Yeah, not so much anymore. It's gonna rain all damn day.

I'm a little broken up, but not overly so. I have seen this parade LIVE 5 times now. And I just won't be able to deal in the freezing rain, with umbrellas. I don't want to lose an eye - I have cooking to do.

So instead, Jason and I will sleep in after our Thanksgiving Eve drinking night out, and perhaps watch some of the parade on the couch in our PJs with some caffeine, to gear up for the day of drinking, movie-watching, and all around gluttony that awaits us at our gracious host Lisa's apartment.

I am so very excited. Especially for the holiday movies. And did I mention the drinking?

Happy Turkey to all!

The shit finally sticks

Finally, the disgusting fembot Judith Regan jumps the shark, after NewsCorp. cancels the farce she called a book, O.J.'s pseudo-hypothetical "confession."

Now that's justice!

Blame It On the Rain

On yesterday's date in history (November 19):

1990 - The pop duo Milli Vanilli was stripped of its Grammy Award because other singers sung the songs on their "Girl You Know It's True" album.

I still have the tape. We had a little Friday afternoon sing-a-along resurgence in college with a few of the tunes also. Good times.

Heartbroken

But they'll be back next year. And OSU will be at a loss.

Bo Knows...it's time to kick some Nuts

My friend Dan sums it up best here.

A fond and sad farewell to one of the greats. We love ya, Bo!

Rivalry Rages On

A good piece on NPR this morning about the clash of the Titans this weekend.

Also, my mom informs me she had the joy of listening to OSU fight songs all morning on our local radio station (my parents are, unfortunately, transplanted Michiganders living in Ohio - unfortunately for sports and political reasons). I mean, come on! Their fight songs aren't even that good. And they totally stole "Louie, Louie" as their "theme song."

And pathetically enough, dotting the "i" is the most orgasmic moment an OSU tuba player can have in his life. I mean, after that, your life is done. Lame!

POSTSCRIPT: I realized my mistake last week in claiming "Louie Louie" was the theme song. I stand corrected, as my sis-in-law Sarah pointed out, it's "Hang on Sloopy." Then they do that "O-HI-O" thing after the refrain. Similar to "Cherry Cherry" and the LetsGetDrunkblahblah chant.

Those Scary Buckeyes

My avid Michigan fan Lisa sent me something from her mother this morning, detailing cautions that the University of Michigan is passing along to those attending the big game at Ohio State in Columbus this weekend. She writes:

"Did you hear about the email that U of M sent out? They're urging people not to drive cars with Michigan license plates, urging them not to wear any maize and blue, and to ignore any provocations. In addition to that, Ohio State is organizing volunteers to escort the Michigan fans from the tailgate area to the stadium and back. U of M campus police are going to Columbus this year to protect the Michigan fans--who have been given their cell phone numbers and are being told not to wait, but to call 911 at the first sign of trouble."

This sportwriter in Ann Arbor, and in Detroit detail those scary Bucks fans even further.

And to add my own footnote, we were practically thrown into a brawl 2 years ago at an Upper East Side bar that had been Michigan-friendly the previous year. But in 2004, the OSU alumni association had decided to make that bar one of their "OSU bars," thereby letting all OSU fans know they would be in good company.

While one group sitting next to us (they were older, and therefor a bit more mature) were perfectly fine, reasonable, even nice people, we were mocked, threatened, and goaded just so the Bucks fans could be assholes (as U of M was losing most of the game) and seriously were a bit afraid of what those crazy shits would do to us, whether U of M won or lost. It's just dispicable behavior, and truly unsportsman-like. I find Yankees fans to be of the same vein when I attended a game this summer, bearating a 60-year-old man with profanity for wearing a Tigers hat (which he played off very well and made them look ignorant, as they clearly were).

A good rivalry is fun, but when you start fearing for your life by showing team spirit, there's a bigger problem. Maybe it's because their mascot is a giant HAIRLESS NUT, and they feel inadequate. I guess to be fair, it's poisonous - just like the fans behavior.

Nice necklace, by the way. I've always wanted to hang a bunch of nuts around my neck. But then again, those OSU fans are used to nuts up in their grill.

Down with O.J.

Wow, lots to blog about today!

I guess if you're guilty as sin, it would be pretty easy to write a book about how you killed your ex-wife and her lover.

O.J. is one crazy dispicable shit. But Judith Regan is utterly abhorrant and lives up to her crazy train billing for publishing the book and producing this mini-series. Let's hope it doesn't sell - hasn't he profitted enough from their deaths, not to mention the fact that he got off scot-free?

A Buckeye is a Hairless Nut

For what's turning out to be the biggest game in UM-OSU history (based solely on rankings), I pass along a little joy as we gear up for some old-school Wolverine ass-kicking on Saturday.

Three football fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking
out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude
female, dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Michigan fan took off his
cap and placed it over her right breast. The Michigan State fan took off his cap
and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Ohio State fan
took off his cap and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when
the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the
Michigan cap, replaced it and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the
Michigan State cap, replaced it and wrote down some more notes. The officer then
lifted the Ohio State cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it,
lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time. The Buckeye fan was
getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something?" "Why do
you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking? "Well," said the officer.
"I'm confused; normally when I look under a Ohio State hat, I find an asshole."

American Un-Idol

On what was destined to just be one of those awful commutes this morning, where everything was running slow and stupid, of course I had to deal with the world's most confident bad singer.

After waiting for 3 packed trains before finally boarding, I was lucky enough to be just a few seats away from a teenager who clearly thinks he is the next American Idol, since he did not stop singing for the entire, long, slow, painful 30-minute train ride.

Problem was, he sucked. AND, he couldn't even keep a rhythm - I don't think he could have snapped his fingers to the beat had a gun been pointed to his head. I have new respect for subway muscians, who, while often annoying and loud, at least can hold a tune (especially those mariachi guys, they're my guilty pleasure!). Granted this kid wasn't looking for cash, just a major amount of attention, but please, not at 9 AM on a crowded 6 train.

Lap of Luxury

9:22 AM (approx), Houston and Thompson St, West Village.

Lexus SUV NYC Yellow Cab.

So now you can literally ride in luxury in a Yellow Cab in NYC? I'm intrigued.....and totally want to ride in one!

On an unrelated note, Bridget Rockstar finished the NYC Marathon yesterday!!!!!! She's my hero!!!!!!!

Words that need to be resurrected

Bitchin'
Boss
Heebie Jeebies
Righteous

More to come....

Crazier than a shithouse rat, Part 3

How in THE HELL does shit not stick to this man?

Even I'm starting to think maybe there's something to this Scientology mumbo-jumbo....

From Sea to Shining Sea (until they tear a hole in an oil tanker)

Let's just discuss one of the most under-reported story from the last 2 weeks or so. The fact the Exxon Mobile, in a quarter where gas prices were the highest they've ever been, earned near-record profits of $8.4 billion.

There's a problem here. But I'm sure there's absolutely no WAY that the oil lobby is putting dimes in the GOPs pockets. Why, that would seem unethical, no?

Sad end to a grand era

Game shows are over as we know it. Bob Barker is retiring from "The Price Is Right" in June, at the ripe young age of 83.

I used to watch this show with my grandpa - he loved it. He'd work on his Rubik's Cube while watching. It was always our bonding time. I still watch it today if I'm home during the day.

I am truly sad.

Shake Your Money Maker

This is quite possibly the most amazing thing ever:

http://www.dancesisterdance.com/myvid/index.php?v=c893e48c39e90

Make your own here!

Who knew?!

Fact of the Day: (from reference.com)

Lincoln Logs were invented by John Lloyd Wright, the son of famous American architect Frank Lloyd Wright. The inspiration for Lincoln Logs came in 1916 when 24-year-old John took a trip to Tokyo, Japan, where Frank Lloyd Wright was building the Imperial Hotel. John watched workers build the earthquake-proof structure using the revolutionary technique of interlocking beams. When John returned to America, he created Lincoln Logs, which were named for President Abraham Lincoln and originally made of redwood.

Karma's a bitch, ain't it?

Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling has been sentenced to 24 years in prison for his role in one of the biggest corporate scandals in U.S. history, CNN confirms.

It's a shame he couldn't suffer as much as the people's lives he's ruined, but I'll say that's a bit of retribution.

Mind-boggling

You wanna hear something fascinating? Of course you do, why else do you read this blog?!

The Peter Cooper Village housing complex here in New York City was just sold to a private management company for $5.4 BILLION dollars (no, this is not Austin Powers). It's claimed to be the largest real estate sale in U.S. history.

Let's just put that into perspective. On this day in 1867, a mere 139 years ago, the U.S. took formal possession of Alaska from Russia. It had cost $7.2 million.

So, not taking into effect inflation (which, somehow, I still think might be less), we bought an ENTIRE GIGANTIC COUNTRY for $800 million LESS than an 80-acre apartment complex in the East Village in Manhattan, where only one subway goes.

Crazier than a shithouse rat, Part 2

Huh. We all knew Mike Tyson was a total nutjob, but this brings him to a whole new level of crazy.

Fighting women? Well, let's just hope if any female takes him up on it, they kick the shit out of him, scumbag misogynist wifebeater.

So do you think he believes in Title IX, or just wants some publicity in order to get a new reality show, "Fight that Bitch"?

Show some love for the D (and get your mind out the gutter)

This simply can't go without being mentioned:

The Detroit Tigers are going to their first World Series in 22 years!

A nailbiter until the very end, they won the game with a 3-run homer, sweeping the A's in the series. It was the way a baseball game should be won.

I want to see a Mets-Tigers series - perennial underdogs making good on the season. I'm a Mets fan until they face off against the Tigers. Then, it's ROWR!

Dove Keeps it Real

Now this, I love. Not to mention it's importance....

Go Tigers! Go Blue!

Another fantastic sports weekend! Tigers play in Detroit this weekend. Let's hope the freak cold snap scares those Californians all the way back to the left coast.

Who's with me on a Tigers-Mets World Series? Bring it on!

And #4 Michigan at unranked Penn State Saturday night. Joe Paterno still kickin it. Right now, they're 3-0 in the Big Ten (#1 seed), 6-0 Season. I want an undefeated Michigan to meet an undefeated OSU on Nov. 23 and show those Thugeyes where it's at. Hail to the Victors!

My namesake, therefore, I make it

Oh, it's ON.

The Tourist Trap of Texas

I am sold on this place. Scuba diving in the desert?!

Now, just how difficult is it to get to far west Texas?

Crazier than a shithouse rat

Well, as if the original flight and story she made up wasn't enough to convince us she was little less than sane, Runaway Bride Jennifer Wilbanks is now suing her ex-fiance for $500,000.

Thanks god he finally dumped her ass. Better off without her. Is is bad that I have no sympathy for this woman and think she absolutely deserves nothing from him. He became a laughing stock - all for the glory of love. She's just apeshit.

Ah, pre-feminism

This is rich. (Click on photo to enlarge)

Prize-Winning Indeed

Check out the balls on this Ram - it won a prize at the Ohio State Fair. Must be for his sperm count.

Conundrum for Michiganders

Actually, this is possibly the biggest conundrum in sports history (well, my sports history at least). And the Red Wings are playing at 7:30, althugh that won't really be televised out here in NY, where there are basically 4 local teams (Rangers, Islanders, Devils, and even Flyers).

Not to mention that my boyfriend is a monstrous Notre Dame fan, which poses its own problem, playing at 2:30. Stupid daylight savings time, Indiana.

Looks like another delicious fall Saturday stuck on the couch watching sports. I mean, what's better?!

And before you tell me I spelled Michiganders wrong, you're wrong.

Pot or Kettle?

Isn't this statement from our pathetic president kind of like the pot calling the kettle black?

At least we (meaning dems) don't have a Representative on the committee for exploited children writing lewd emails and texts to undeage and impressionable pages on Capitol Hill. Nor do we have Jack Ambramhoff, lobbyist and lawbreaker extraordinaire. Nor do we have religious leaders confusing the voters into thinking that church and state actually, rightfully belong together. And don't even get me started on how Rumsfeld has zero business in the Pentagon.

Canada beckons....although their bacon isn't quite the same.

Why must people make airports MORE difficult?

Now, who's the real idiot here?

My new love

My current obsession, on the fantastic recommendation of my friend Lisa, is the TV show Veronica Mars. I'm currently halfway through Season 1 and am utterly hooked. Lisa told me to give it until at least the third episode, but I was enthralled after about 10 mins.

It's like a cooler, hipper version of Nancy Drew, another obsession I had as a kid. I think I read about 100 of the "new" Nancy Drew books between ages 10 and 13.

It's just a well-written, funny, smart, brilliantly woven show about a teenager who happens to be a detective on the sly. But it's got the rich-suburb setting that we all love in our teen dramas these days (see "The OC," "Laguna Beach," etc. But come, on, we know it all started with "90210").

Anyway, highly recommended if you like anything remotely intriguing and sassy, without having to be all Law and Order or CSI gruesome - a little more fun than that.

Fabu-bet!

I opened a new mascara this morning, since my old L'Oreal Voluminous got the funk smell, and needed to be tossed. So I went back to a tube I had previously purchased, Revlon's Fabulash. You know, with Halle Berry in that lame commercial?

Regardless of the lameness of the commercial, I'm astounded once again at how much I love this mascara. It does everything I want it to without clumping, and looking natural, but better. It lengthens, and lushes, which is what I want my mascara to do. And at $7 a tube (or so), it can't be beat.

I love expensive mascaras. Lancome has THE BEST. But I, unlike many people, actually toss mine after the allotted three or so months (or funky smell). So I stick to drugstore brands instead of tossing $20 with the tube.

If you're looking for a good cheapie tube, go Fabulash. Try to ignore the commercial.

And wedding pics and more to come on Seattle in my next post...

Some entertaining TSA reading

On the eve of my cross-country flight to Seattle for Becky's wedding, I was checking out the TSA website for allowable items. I actually flew to Detroit the day the plot unfurled in London, so am no stranger to now having to check my bags because I'm a girl, and I need girly shit like lipgloss, mascara, hair gels, lotion, and etc.

Some of the stuff on this list is pretty hilarious for the sheer reason it got its own separate billing. But as I always say, there are specifics because someone has attempted before. Why else are there directions on shampoo bottles?

Read the full list here.

My favorite - swords and sabers can be checked, but not carried on. Huh.

And note that Transformers get their own distinction - product placement at its finest. I wonder how much their manufacturer paid to have them on that list?

Bacony McBaconson

Imagine my joy and surprise when this email popped into my inbox yesterday:

Ham it Up
BY RIMA SUQI
One of New York's greatest food advantages is the presence of skilled, trained-by-apprenticeship butchers in every neighborhood. Here, and starting on page 62, we show some of their handiwork, along with their preferred cooking methods. Pictured, bacon made from Schaller & Weber's hickory-smoked pork. Head cutter Conrad Krische advises ordering it cut thick—a quarter of an inch—and cooking it in a frying pan over medium heat, which achieves a crispy edge and a tender, chewy center. It's the use of hickory pork, rather than apple pork, that gives its bacon the edge. "The best piece will taste smoky and salty, not sweet," he says. One pound of smoked slab bacon, $6.99; 1654 Second Ave., nr. 86th St.; 212-879-3047).

New York Mag promoting the love of Bacon (it's so good, it gets capitalization!). Magnificent!

Remember

Even five years later, the morning of September 11 is still pretty vivid, especially since I am working in the same office building that I was that morning. Today is similar to then - a beautiful fall day, although a little cloudier, and little cooler.

I remarked a short time ago to my dad that I can't believe that everything that morning transpired in about 2 hours. It was probably the longest two hours, and the longest day, of my life.

As I become increasingly bitter and hostile to New York and what it has become to me, I think back in remembrance of a time when it was the best place to be, and to a time, when, even after we'd been attacked and the island was in shambles, I could imagine being nowhere else. Therefore, I will always consider myself a New Yorker, even though I didn't grow up here, and won't grow old here.

Never forget.

Frivolous Lawsuits

Yet another reason I hate Oprah, and why the book industry is fucked (from Publishers Lunch):


Frey Settlement Deal is Close
Following a rumor report from Radar recently, the NYT also says that Random House and James Frey are close to settling class action suits brought over the merchandising of A MILLION LITTLE PIECES as nonfiction. While Random House's standard policy has always allowed for refunds to consumers who buy directly from their site, and via booksellers with purchase receipt, the settlement as reported by "a person familiar with the negotiations" would be much simpler (and more generous) for consumers. They would simply need to submit a selected page or piece of packaging from the book or audio packaging to qualify, along with a standardized "sworn statement that they would not have bought the book if they knew that certain facts had been embroidered or changed." By this account, Frey and Random House's liability would be capped at a maximum of $2.35 million, including paying all the lawyers, cash refunds, and some kind of charitable donation. (You'll remember that Frey has insisted that, even before his lies were exposed, he was already donating 15 percent of his earnings to treatment centers, though the donations have never been documented.) Frey's lawyer Derek Meyer tells the NYT, "We worked with Random House on whether to resolve these lawsuits and the desire to move on became a powerful incentive to resolve what are otherwise very weak cases." In this case, "move n" could be a synonym for "get paid," since Random House has withheld Frey's big seven-figure Oprah windfall royalty check pending disposition of the lawsuits.


So where does one draw the line? Lawsuits like this show the ignorance of the vast majority of Americans, and are part of the reason why everything is so expensive. Anytime Sony gets hit with a class action lawsuit, and everyone who bought a defunct Discman gets their 40 cents in settlement, then the cost of Discmans go up. Is it really worth the 40 cents?

Why, CNN, why?!

Why does CNN taunt me with this hairy monstrosity on the home page?

Snug as a bug in a rug

Wow, I just might have to purchase this. Again, as most of my favorite things are classified, the simplicity is the brilliance in this. And you look boss wearing it.

Recovered!

One of my favorite paintings has been found!

More bathroom antics

Does the week before Labor Day bring out the worst in people? Well, our bathroom at work is generally disgusting and filled with a few weirdos who make it unbearable for the rest of us normal folks, so probably not, but just saw the latest freak!

So as I was washing my hands, I saw the sink next to me FILLED with suds (and the culprit, who I dislike on account of her overt oddness and bitchy demeanor, was leaving, so I know now who she is!). Seriously, how OCD are you that you need to fill an entire sink with suds? It's such a damn waste, on so many levels.

The freaks in this city are like pigeons, rats, and cockroaches - they will be the only survivors in a nuclear winter, because the cannot be human.

CNN outdoes itself

Gotta love this headline on CNN this morning:

Police: Throbbing artery gave polygamist away

At least it was just his artery that was throbbing...although he is a sex freak and most likely a pedophile. So perhaps I'm wrong in my thinking...

A Devil Grows in Kettering

Check out the sweet tomato my dad picked in our yard last week. Clearly, we're channeling Satan via soil. Or perhaps it's attack of the killer tomatoes?

My dad says it's a "devil of a tomato."

But perhaps it's a unicorn, if you want to take the shiny happy road. But seeing as it was grown in Ohio, it has that evil GOP-red-state-taint on it, so I'm going with devil.

Chronicles of Snasty, Vol. 1

At my chica Erica's request, and on her tip, I've decided to write about the further disgusting freaks that frequent the 5th Fl. bathroom at my hub of employment, 375 Hudson St.

Erica just let me know that someone was clipping their toenails in the bathroom. I guess I should at least be happy that they were in a closed stall doing this (Erica heard the clips and saw the stance, hence how she knew) , since I've seen people do this on the subway in the open, no qualms at all.

However, SHE WAS CLIPPING HER TOENAILS IN A WORKPLACE BATHROOM! I tend to think there are bylaws in my company that do not allow this. And Erica verified that one leg was up ON the toilet seat for the proper clippage. This is distrubing on many levels, because now I might end up sitting on her snasty foot. And lord hopes she got some funk on her foot, if she's tacky enough to clip the toes over the toilet.

It is completely unacceptable anywhere aside from over a wastebasket in your home or bathroom (Erica concurs).

Bring on your snasty workplace bathroom stories!

Chronicles of Snasty, Vol. 1

At my chica Erica's request, and on her tip, I've decided to write about the further disgusting freaks that frequent the 5th Fl. bathroom at my hub of employment, 375 Hudson St.

Erica just let me know that someone was clipping their toenails in the bathroom. I guess I should at least be happy that they were in a closed stall doing this (Erica heard the clips and saw the stance, hence how she knew) , since I've seen people do this on the subway in the open, no qualms at all.

However, SHE WAS CLIPPING HER TOENAILS IN A WORKPLACE BATHROOM! I tend to think there are bylaws in my company that do not allow this. And Erica verified that one leg was up ON the toilet seat for the proper clippage. This is distrubing on many levels, because now I might end up sitting on her snasty foot. And lord hopes she got some funk on her foot, if she's tacky enough to clip the toes over the toilet.

It is completely unacceptable anywhere aside from over a wastebasket in your home or bathroom (Erica concurs).

Bring on your snasty workplace bathroom stories!

So many freaks, so little time

Wow, this morning's commute was a freakshow bonanza! On the train, I noticed a guy with a headband. You read correctly - he was wearing one of those thin plastic headbands that I used to have in every color as a little girl. You could even see the teeth tracks in his hair. To his credit, it was an understated brown. He was a normal enough looking guy, dressed well, nice shoes (such a key component for a man), so it was a bit off-putting and confusing.

There was also some woman sharing the elevator with me wearing absolutely the most absurd sunglasses I have ever seen. They were like giant white octagons, and just silly. She looked like Bootsy Collins.

I might need to go out at lunch - is it a full moon or something? Or perhaps it has something to do with the fact that my entire science education has been based on a lie, with the demotion of Pluto. Poor Pluto - didn't it have enough going against it anyway?

The perfect food?

I just snacked on some Honey Nut Cheerios. Here in Manhattan, a box of cereal will run you $4-6. I'm not kidding. So I only purchase cereal when it's on sale. A little tip, CVS and Rite Aid, yes drugstores, always have the best sales. I can snag 2 boxes for the price of one when they go on sale, with great frequency.

But I digress.

Back to the Cheerios. I think they could possibly be the perfect food. I'll eat HNC for meals, and a snack. Their flavor is just perfection. Occasionally I've digressed to Target brand, and there's something just a little off. I get to the point that I crave them. One love.

Quiz: What's the name of the HNC bee? I can't remember for the life of me. And I'm too lazy to google.

Twisty Delight

I love pretzels. LOVE THEM. Like, I could eat them every day, and often do. I've been a pretzel fan since elementary or junior high school, always bringing them in my lunch. In high school, they were my lunch. I just finished a bag of Rold Gold Tiny Twists as an afternoon snack. I have to say that Rold Gold Thins are my favorite, and I will often leave work to walk to the deli on the corner, just to buy the 99 cent bag of Thins. The salt is perfect, the pretzel crisp and crunchy. Just perfect. Substitues will not do. I'm a pretzel snob.

So to my delight this weekend, my boyfriend and I tried a new restaurant in my nighborhood, Wicker Park. Very delish, and am looking forward to going back. When they brought out the bread basket, I was delighted - they had this soft pretzel log in there! And to top it off, mustard butter, with whole mustard seeds! I was obsessed.

I want to try the Rold Gold Thins with homemade mustard butter now. Can you even imagine???? Although, the beauty of pretzels, is the simplicity - I love 'em alone, probably even more. I dare say they are the perfect snack.

Iced Coffee Done Right

I read a great piece in the NY Times yesterday about iced coffee, the drink you see in every New Yorker's fist from Memorial Day until Labor Day, that's just catching on in the rest of the country. And I'm not talking about a 600 calorie pseudo-milkshake from Starbucks. I'm talking cold coffee. On ice, and how you take it. The simplicity is the beauty, and while I still prefer hot coffee most days, I do enjoy the occasional iced coffee as an afternoon pick-me-up, or on the weekends. It's easier to drink and carry than a hot cup.

Even though I just discovered the joy of ice coffee only 3 years ago, after being a resister, I have to say what the writer said in this article is true: that NY iced coffee is generally a weak, watery concoction barely able to claim itself as iced coffee. The key, she says, it to brew it double strength, with coffee ice cubes. And it must be done at home. This woman is my new guru.

I am a one cup-drinker in the mornings, at home. I have a pod coffee maker that I love, but can't seem to find the pods anymore. So I've moved on to making coffee in my French Press the evening before and chilling it for a nice ice in the morning. It works well, and I like the consistency (little thicker, but not syrupy) than what I'd buy at say Dunkin' Donuts or my local cart vendor. But I made the coffee ice cubes yesterday. And it was that much better. Like, WOW.

Take heed - homemade iced coffee is the best you can get. Especially when you make the coffee cubes.

The pedosmile is the giveaway

So the latest photos of the dude who killed JonBenet - so creepy. I mean, these types of people are really just so obvious.

Recipe for Disaster

Ok, a while back, I blogged about some lame Rachael Ray recipe (at the very top there). But this new one from Ellie Krieger really takes the cake. So is she the braniac who came up with this?

Air Guitar is the New Black

If you know what's good for you, you'll come to discover all the joy that is AIR GUITAR tomorrow, Aug. 9.

See for yourself:
http://www.readpenguin.com/ToAirInviteAnime.html

Wildlife in the Hudson

It's not everyday you see a manatee swimming in the Hudson River. I think you might have a better chance of seeing a body (not that I'd want to, but I bet it's true). Hope he stays safe and gets out OK. And let's hope he doesn't taint the rest of his buddies in Florida with the Hudson stank, courtesy of the most heavily trafficked waterway in the U.S.

Mother Nature is One Cranky Biyatch

Isn't kind of interesting to think that at this time last year, we'd had no days over 100 degrees, yet had already had like 12 hurricanes.

Now, we've had 3 days over 100, and only 3 hurricanes. Even though the heat sucks, it's less damaging, so I'll take that over a hurricane, but still. Is Father Time having trouble getting it up? Is that why Mother Nature is such a hateful bitch this year?

Dessert of the Gods

I just had one of the best desserts of my life - Banoffee at The Spotted Pig in the West Village here in NY.

Crumbly shortbread cookie-like crust, layered with bananas and caramel, topped with pillowy whipped cream and chocolate shavings. Seriously....I will dream about this.

I think the only other thing that beats this is the Nutella Chocolate Cake at Deborah, also in the West Village.

I suppose I am so jealous of Funbag's blog that I am trying to channel her with my food longings here.

Happy 25th, MTV!

MTV has reached their Quarterlife Crisis! Congrats!

Ah, remember the days when videos were actually MTV's innovative thing....with Downtown Julie Brown, and Remote Control, and Yo! MTV Raps.

Well, you have to give them credit for the empire and brand they've built from such humble beginnings. Raise a glass - I want my MTV!

Walk the Sunshine

While listening to Johnny Cash this morning on my iPod, "Walk the Line" happened to stick in my head all morning, even after I had stopped listening. No problem, it's a great song, an American classic if you will. However, as the song kept replaying in the noggin, it was meshed with another classic tune, "You are My Sunshine."

The two are quite similar. While Johnny Cash is clearly a brilliant American musical master, and "Walk the Line" a fantastic classic song, it closely resembles "You are My Sunshine" in it's simplicity. I'm just sayin....

Bacon for president!

I stumbled across this website www.readexpress.com for actual work, and i saw on the home page that it linked to this blog.

Kismet, indeed!

Since I'm a reader and all...

It's been requested of me to start writing about good books. Me and books go together like peanut butter and jelly, hence my career in publishing. I am always in the middle of at least two, possibly more (generally, a hardcover for home and a paperback for the train). I also am always giving suggestions, but I think because I just give so darn many, people forget. And let's face it, it often goes in one ear and out the other unless it's in writing.

So, now begins a new feature where I will discuss good books. I'll start with one I just finished, because it's been far too long since I finished a really good one. I'll go back and discuss some of my old favorites as well, but right now I'd like to discuss Heat by Bill Buford.

I was lucky enough to snag a copy of this book at the New Yorker Magazine's Spring Books Party at Housing Works here in Manhattan. I therefore got the book for half-price, and the proceeds went to a good cause (Housing Works).

Heat was the book I was excited to crack on my beyond-wonderful vacation in Northern Michigan, because I remembered reading a profile in the New Yorker Mag, years ago, about Mario Batali, and found it fascinating. The best part of this profile was that the writer, Buford (the former fiction editor at the mag) had apprenticed in Batali's famous kitchen at Babbo (his famous restaurant) and it just stuck in my head.

I was thrilled to find Buford had written a book about his extensive time interning (or externing in culinary lingo) in Batali's kitchen (hitting every station, from lowly prep to pasta and grill). But not only was I rewarded with an interesting behind-the-scenes narrative of what goes on in a three-star kitchen, but also the insight into Batali, such a fascinating guy with an interesting background, and a culinary master and innovator.

Buford also went to Italy (a country I adore and would kill to spend any extensive amount of time in) to learn the ancient art of pasta making, and butchery from a Dante-quoting infamous butcher in Tuscany.

If you are an avid Food Network watcher as I am, or just enjoy reading about food because you can learn so damn much, you should pick up this book. I learned a lot, and felt myself lusting after Buford's ability to spend so much time in Italy over the course of this book, but also for deconstructing the myth of a mythic man and his kitchen.

The next food book on my plate is The Ominvore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan, but I need a little palate cleanse, excuse the pun. I'm going to read The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards first, which is shaping up to be this year's Kite Runner or The Secret Life of Bees.

Enjoy!

Bring on the triple digits

Oh dear, it's going to be 100 degrees tomorrow. Do you know what happened the last time it was 100 in NYC? The blackout of 2004. Thus insued one of the most enjoyable nights of my life in New York, drinking in the middle of 47th st., hot, sweaty, and so like the other millions of hot stranded New Yorkers that day. To see Billy Joel's "Miami 2017" come to life (" I see the lights go out on Broadway") for a non-scary (ie: 9/11-type reason) was unlike anything I could ever experience again, in the best way possible.

Cool gadget if you don't have access to a campfire

Granted it's still early (and hot and humid again today, although coupled with a decent breeze, unlike the soupy air yesterday) but I'm still wrapping my head around this super-cool gadget. It is totally awesome or totally irrelevant? Must let the coffee sink in and rethink in an hour.

Who needs fire, or even the mess of a microwave, when you can stick a marshmallow in the tines and roast away!

Ken Lay, Good Christian

Whoever the reverand is who did the ceremony, you'd think God would have already struck him down for comparing Ken Lay to Jesus. What an insult to Jesus!

Ken Lay is a scumbag who destroyed thousands of people's lives, took the easy way out and dodged a bullet byt "dying." Never has that term been so loosely used.

Wowza

This hot, sticky, hazy morning, just as I got off the train at Bleecker St., my usual stop, an interesting sight took my mind off my mile-long walk to my office, in which I would sweat profusely, thanks to the 90% humidity and 80 degree weather.

At the corner of Houston and Broadway, the major intersection of Soho, on a nasty, dirty corner was a man cleaning up around the trashcan that he had just emptied. This was a city worker and not the purpose of my observation, but a key note to it: he was cleaning up the spillage from this nasty overflowing garbage can in the heart of one of the busiest intersections in Manhattan.

Not 2 feet away from him was this dude: He was wearing yellow rubber wading pants (wtf?), and was shirtless and shoeless. He looked blissful to be standing watching the cleaning guy sweep nasty bits of crud and lord knows what into his sweepy can, with liquid dribbling everywhere (coffee, water, juice, bodily fluids, etc.), a mere 2 feet from his bare soles.

No wonder I had a nightmare the other night about being barefoot with my feet encased in crud. I would have to take acid to the soles of my feet to ever feel clean enough after standing on that corner barefoot.

So my question: What do you think he was on?

Calling All Squatters

Ok, bitches, listen up: if you're one of thos annoying, disgusting seat pee-ers, you need to pay close attention.

First, you're peeing on the seat because you're squatting, and you're squatting because you're afraid of pee on the seat. This is a chicken-or-egg scenario. You pee on the seat because you squat, which begins a vicious cycle. Use TP as a barrier if you're that afraid. But for the love of all things holy, stop squatting - you're just funking it up for the next girl!

Second, this is for nesters: HOW MUCH TP DO YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOUR STINKY BUM?? I go into my office restroom, and the toilets are often clogged, which causes overflow, which is dirtier than anything you'd find on the seat. Why are they clogged? Someone could have docked a giant freighter, perhaps aircraft carrier-size, but odds are, their nesting materials sank it in the end. I also love those people who you can hear the roll going round and round - they must go through half a roll doing god knows what.

Third, any funk that's on your ass region is probably nastier than anything that can survive on a toilet seat, especially in an office building. All bets are off in a public park, or a place where lord knows what happens on that seat, but come on, in a 9-5 office building where you know your co-workers, simmer down.

Fourth, ladies, puh-LEESE: Plastic hygiene containers do not belong IN the toilet. Those go in the trashcan. I'm sick of being surprised with a pastic white tube floating around in the water that will never go down. Have an iota of respect for the cleaning person who has to fish that out.

I am repeatedly apalled at the level of bathroom inetiquette in my company's stalls. I feel like I work with a bunch of 3rd graders who never learned the proper way to pee, etc.

When it comes to public toilets, get your shit together...literally.

Countdown

I am jittery in anticipation of my impending vacation. Sitting on a beach for 5 days...and I'm not even a beach person.

I expect to eat, drink, and be merry. And hopefully not burn to a crisp.

Snack Dog

It's totally a Gray's Papaya lunch today. $1 hot dogs, the best in the city. Ah, nitrates.

Sweet confidence

So back in the day, when I was a newbie to the big city, and used to rock out harder than in college (the basic difference being 4 bars in my college town vs. 4000 bars in Manhattan), I would get beer confidence and shout out "I'm the hottest girl in here!" My friends were amused, and it became my thing, quickly turning into a joke at my confident naivete. I would shout it out at all moments. Good times.

Well, last fall, I happened to be on tour with an author that took me to Baltimore, where my best good friend from college lives. I enjoy Baltimore. I think it's an underrated city with a good amount to offer - waterfront views, some great sporting venues (ahem, Camden Yards), amazing Bloody Mary's (they use Old Bay seasoning around the rim, so key), Crab Cakes, and their own little accent. It's a little bit country, a little bit city - they drop the TI in BalTImore, and simply call it Bal-M0re.

That's not the meat of my story, simply an aside. The real juice here, is that when I (practically soberly, I might add) said "I'm the hottest girl in here" to my friend while we were hanging in a fairly trendy bar in a trendy neighborhood, it was true. Never have I risen so above the clientele. I don't know if that's sad or awesome. Maybe a little of both. But let's say one thing that Baltimore is lacking is the ability to realize that skin-tight clothing and fat rolls is not, and will never be, a reason to claim you're the hottest girl in there.

Crossword Mania

So I might be late in coming to this obsession, but I'm in deep: the daily crossword. Alas, Monday I can complete, and beyond that, the boxes become more and more empty. I enlist my boyfriend to help as the weekend grows near. Still, something to look forward to every day.

Do you think that a crossword editor wakes up one day when he's 10 and says "I want to edit crosswords when I grow up!" Do you have to take special classes? What is involved?

Perhaps I should see the new flick, "Wordplay."

Stop the insanity

What sane woman claims she can't wait to have more children, less than a month after giving birth?

Well, Angelina Jolie, clearly the patron saint of motherly love. Either that, or she's crazier than a shithouse rat. This is the same woman who wore Billy Bob's blood in a vial around her neck, right? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Also, let's not forget she said she'd adopt again. In interviews she said she was terriefied while giving birth (rightly so, I'm sure, but I'm not one to speak from experience). I don't think she'll let Brad's magic stick within 10 feet of her Va-J-J anytime soon.

Happy Flag Day!

Hey, I'm all for celbrating holidays, especially if they involve a weekend, food, and booze. But Flag Day does none of these things. What exactly DOES Flag Day celebrate?

I did some sleuthing, and alas, it's really not all that exciting:

"Flag Day, is a day for all Americans to celebrate and show respect for our flag, its designers and makers. Our flag is representative of our independence and our unity as a nation.....one nation, under God, indivisible. Our flag has a proud and glorious history. It was at the lead of every battle fought by Americans. Many people have died protecting it. It even stands proudly on the surface of the moon. "

In this day and age, honestly, I'm surprisedthe date still gets printed on calendars. I'm all for protecting the sanctity of the symbol of our freedom, but if you really want to make Flag Day a celebration, move it to a weekend. Then, it's go time.

Hitmen who think they're not guilty

Right, it's their lawyers fault....
http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/06/13/mafia.cops.ap/index.html

Or perhaps, it's because they're guilty scumbag assholes????

Coffee, how do I love thee?

The deal with coffee just keeps getting better and better. Now researchers are saying that a cuppa joe can reduce the effects of cirrhosis of the liver by up to 22%. So all those hangovers days when I craved coffee, when I needed it so much it hurt, probably actually helped me. Glad I didn't waste the calories on Coke.

Steven Johnson was right - Everything Bad IS Good for You!

Rock the Air

Gear up for 2006, aka the year of Air Guitar. A short bit about the glorious art here:
http://theowlmag.com/reelseries.asp?id=7

Baby Dumbo

There is an elephant who has been in labor for 3 days, and has her 300-lb. calf stuck in her birth canal. She's supposed to undergo surgery today to remove it. Might or might not be alive.

I cannot even feasibly imagine the discomfort of this poor mama....

Let your fingers do the walkin'

I want a finger pedometer, to see how many keystrokes I type in a day. It would be interesting to translate that into a fathomable number, like miles.

Weird dreams

So last night I had a dream that I was making out with one of my authors. But it was a weird hybrid of him and one of my friends (they bear a striking resemblance). To creep it out further, it was in my childhood bedroom, with twin bed that I haven't had since like 4th grade. And my mom walked in. And my author had feety PJ's on.

WTF????

Now that you're all royally creeped out...

But at least he's a dude. And young. And attractive. So at lest I have make-out dreams with cute guys.

Play-by-play confirmation hearings

Here's General Hayden, asking for "1 meeeeeeeeeelion dollars" if he becomes head of the CIA.

And here he is, showing off his amazing martials arts skills for Sen. Mike DeWine (R) Ohio. I believe he studied under Jackie Chan.

Elevator hater

Just a thought: when you get into the elevator and push the button for your floor, move to the back. Don't block the whole button console. I don't care if you're getting off on Floor 2, it's just rude, because then no one can get to the buttons, and you end up making everyone else getting onto the elevator jostle around. I'm sorry if you're so self-absorbed that you think you're the priority, but it's sheer laziness.

Same with those morons who crowd the subways doors. Someone will always be running for a train, so move the hell out of the doorway, at least while it's open. The tourists are the worst - I understand they just might not get it, but if you can't ride public transportation safely and smartly, take a damn cab. I'd suggest waking, but they're always the slow ones who take the whole sidewalk, and I don't want to deal with that either.

Get out there and read, dammit.

I dig what Elizabeth Crane is doing here.

What better person to start with, than one of my favorite people/writers, George Saunders.

(Ed. note: Ok, so i'm a little biased, since I am his publicist. But he is the nicest human being alive, and deserves all good things that come to him. And he's an amazing funny, brilliant writer.)

John McCain has gone to the dark side

John McCain is cozying up to the conservative right for his next Presidential bid. To think what he could accommplish as a uniter, not divider?

Shame, shame. I would have voted for you, had you not gone slummin' to the right. Dammit.

Just graduate, dude

This is the lamest person alive:
http://www.cnn.com/2006/EDUCATION/05/10/perpetual.student.ap/index.html

Even Tommy Boy didn't take this long. Fat guy in a little coooooooooooat.....

Human Fish and Mormons

Why is David Blaine such a freak? Since when is THIS news??

On a happier note, that freaky pedophile fundamentalist/wannabe prophet Warren Jeffs is on the FBI's Top 10 Most Wanted list. Sweet.

Seriously, the FDLS freak me out a bit. One of the best books I've read (and definitely one of the top 5 non-fiction books) is Under the Banner of Heaven, by Jon Krakauer, who delves into the Mormon Church, aka The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

It's an interesting eye-opener, but especially scary is the FDLS, the Mormon Fundamentalists, who split from the main Mormon Church in the 1800s when it condoned polygamy. They're bleeding the goverment dry by collecting welfare (more than $6 million a year, since by polygamy's standards, men are married to several women, but those women are not recognized as wives - and they have broods of children. Hence, single mom-dom). It's a fascinating book and insight into one of the fastest growing religions in the world.

Sonsabitches

Goddamn that stupid Chase Bank commericial - you know, the one with the girl and her daddy and then it's her wedding. And thank God for Chase, because they allow Daddy to pay for the whole she-bang.

Too bad I'm all PMS-y and hormonal and it made me tear up. Now that just pisses me off. Glad I don't bank with those fuckers, toying with my emotions like that.

Word origin

So where does "in the hopper" come from? I just used that, and have no idea what it means. Perhaps I should query Patricia O'Connor.

Or maybe my friend Rockstar knows.

Sergeant Honeynuts at your service

This is the greatest thing ever:
http://cheekysquirrel.net/squirrelname/index.php

You all can all me Sgt. Honeynuts from here on out. Or Lt. Bacones. Although Funbags has dibs on that one.

Seriously, Down With Oprah

Perhaps I was just blind, dumb, or drunk for the entire reign of Queen Biyatch herself, Oprah, and her reign of terror that started 2 decades ago and unfortunately continues today, but isn't her whole MO "to help people." I mean, isn't that why she has the quack Dr. Phil firmly planted up her tush? I mean, she gave out cars to underprivileged people! She helped with disasters! She got people to read! She brought "The Color Purple" to Broadway! Oh, Oprah, how could we survive without you telling us what to do?!

Funny then, that she just ruined James Frey's life for really no good reason at all. Well, I guess her reason is that he made her look bad. Because with the big O, it's really just all about her. At least her magazine circulation is falling steadily.

When will those middle-aged God-fearing housewives stop drinking her crappy kool-aid? I mean, it just ain't good. She doesn't put sugar in it or anything - just a big ol' shot of bitter. Then again, bitter is the new black (but this one's actually good...)

Oprah is the Enron of TV: Get as high as you can go, and then start destroying everyone below you.

Nice tattoo

Wow, so many horrible things i could say about this guy, but let's just leave it at, man....if you didn't already think a picture was worth a thousand words, here's proof...

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217061fy1.html

Down with Dunkin Donuts

I think Starbucks coffee is garbage and an absolute rip-off (although they make a mean rice krispie treat). Hence, my coffee of choice when purchasing is Dunkin Donuts. There's been this big surge of them in Manhattan in the past few years, and a big hullaballoo about "coffee class wars" - mainly, the upwardly mobile yuppies who send their kindergartners to $30,000 a year private schools drink the grandiose Starbucks, and the young, urban broke-ass hipsters prefer the DD. Personally, this does make some sense to me, since DD is a cheaper and better cup of coffee than Starbucks, especially since the 'Bucks continues to raise their prices and shrink their cups. I digress.

This past fall a new DD opened a block from my office. Oh, devil store! Unless I want to lose my mind, I refuse to go in there before 11 AM, because one thing that the 'Bucks has going for it that DD doesn't, is that it is a well-oiled machine. Think of Starbucks as the Lexus of coffee shops and DD the Dodge Neon. Functional, and that's about it. Again, I digress.

So every now and again, an afternoon calls for a DD run. This afternoon proved to be no exception, so I went with my friend MAZ and grabbed some joe. My order is not hard. Medium coffee with skim milk. I tossed in a Splenda - again, not hard.

What do I get? Coffee, skim milk, and sugar. HOW HARD is it to put one packet of Splenda instead of 5 scoops of sugar?! I mean, I know Splenda is made from sugar, but that's stretching it.

DD is testing my nerve. I normally put the Splenda in myself, but wanted to give them another shot. I was trusting today. I will not trust again. They will get very few more chances. Until ice coffee season. Then it's free game again.

Winter Wonderland

Park Ave at 89th St, 2:30 PM

27 inches of snow! Biggest snowfall on record! WOO! After a leisurely morning of coffee and homemade bluberry pancakes, my boyfriend and I braced the blizzard to check out the snowfall and swing by his pad across town to pick up few things. It was boo-tiful!

I will be hating trudging through the gray disgusting slush and trying to avoid corner lakes the size of my pond back home, but there is nothing I love more than NY covered in snow. It's quiet and everyone's out enjoying it, and there's barely any traffic and it's just slow and wonderful.

I will be cursing it tomorrow, but today, I was so happy, I just pounced into a pile of snow. I wanted to make a snow angel, but thought that might be too much. I definitely made sure to avoid the yellow stuff.

Boredom and business, etc.

Well, I've been quite busy at the ol' ball and chain (aka job) and just haven't had an interesting thought in my head lately. Hence the lack of posts.

Perhaps tomorrow, a Friday, I'll have something more interesting to say. I will say I went to this hellish horrid kickboxing class last night. Left after about 7 minutes because I don't need a fat dude who's not even exercising screaming at me to kick it. I also did not sign up for boot camp. Jerk. Give me a spinning class any day of the week.

I also love the Arctic Monkeys. Lord knows it can get cold in the UK.

Speaking of cold, a supposed Nor'easter is rolling in this weekend. Um, it was 6o in January. No fair.

Little Britain rides again

I was just informed via Gawker that my most favorite-ist TV series EVER has it's 3rd season coming to BBC America in March. I might seriously have to get cable for this. If you have not seen Little Britain, add it to your Netflix queue immediately. You don't want to be the last one on the bandwagon like you were with the British version of The Office, do you? And by the way, Little Britain is about a million times funnier than The Office, although I do love Ricky Gervais and that Gareth is one great jackass.

Little Britain is just 2 brilliant guys, mostly dressing in drag, acting as these hilarious and wacky recurring characters. Think of it as a cross between Kids in the Hall and Monty Python. British humor at its weirdest and finest. Really, rent this.

Sun shines, furry rodent scampers back in hole

He saw his shadow! So six more weeks of winter. I figured as much, given the mild temps this winter.

On a side note, I feel as though I've lived this week 4 times already. Groundhog Week perhaps?

Twilight Toilet Zone

There is some funky stuff going on in our office bathroom today. This besides the usual "funk" that goes on in there, which I will not get into.

I get in there around 9:10 AM this morning to wash the subway funk off my hands (I call it my kryptonite hand, because anything I touch with it will shrivel and die) and decide to walk into the stalls section to take a tinkle. I open the door from the sinks area to the stalls area and there is an old-lady corset laying in the middle of the floor. At first glance, I thought someone had dropped a peach-colored vest on the floor and then thought, who wears vests anymore? So I took a closer look and there are eye hooks all up the back of it, and it is most definitely a corset. I even went so far as to look for a body under the stall - maybe some old woman passed out or something. Alas, just a corset. On the bathroom floor. At 9 AM. Huh. A few hours later, it had migrated to a hook on the other sinks area, on the opposite side of the stall area. I fear it might have grown legs and gotten there itself - it was a little worse for the wear.

I just made another pit stop and in my stall was a "Surviving Personal Bankruptcy" galley. Now, working in publishing, it is not uncommon to occasionally find a book or galley (pre-book, basically) in the sinks area. But this one was firmly entrenched on the toilet paper holder IN the stall. I guess someone was contemplating their debt while dropping off the kids.

And don't even get me started on the "nesters." That will be for another time.

A dark day for women and liberals everywhere

Well, it's over. Alito has been confirmed. I guess we'll just wait and see.

How it is that the worst president in the history of the country got to confirm TWO justices, one of them as head justice? That's a prime example of life ain't fair. Well, at least it wasn't Harriet Miers. Still, must be nice to be a Bush crony - cush set-ups for life.

Team America, fuck yeah

It is very grave news that Bob Woodruff and his cameraman have suffered serious injuries in a roadside bomb. That said, there's a striking resemblance between Bob and Gary from Team America.

Hardcore bacon

My friend Marty passed this along. And I thought I liked Bacon.

Happy Friday, workin' for the weekend

It is 4:30 on a Friday. After a productive afternoon, this is what I'm thinking:

Just ate a fab cookie from Mr. Chocolate himself, Jacques Torres. Blogs are made for description - my description of that cookie would be vulgar (yes, it's that good and endorphin-producing).

I will be working off said cookie with some bitchin' cardio at the gym. Should be nice and empty, it being Friday and all.

Oprah is one evil demon. When will her visage finally crack, and let the cockroach that's inside come out? Maybe she's trying to shoot it out of her pursed angry food receptacle here.

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese. I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed.
It rolled off the table, and onto the floor. And then my poor meatball, it rolled out the door.
It rolled off the table, and under a bush. And then my poor meatball, was nothing but mush.

I need some nachos this week. Betcha can't wait until Monday!

Little Britain is so my favorite show ever. Treat yourself this weekend - watch it.

Don't drink her Kool-Aid

Oprah is self-righteous. Why are her "fans" such cultish lemmings? It's sad that they have nothing better to do with their time than listen to that quack Dr. Phil and pray to the Oprah altar.

George Bush is actually higher on my scale than the O at this point. So maybe I've dodged a bullet and he won't secretly wire-tap me.

Minutiae found in acidic peat swamp

Wow! Scientists just discovered the world's smallest fish. And it's tiny! But seriously, who is this really going to feed? You'd have to have, what, like a trazillion to even make it worth your while. I'm sure Nobu will come up with something brilliant.


(AP Photo: In this photo released by Carnol, Switzerland and Raffles Museum, undated photo...)

Childhood past

I read a comment from an earlier post from anonymous, and anon got me reminiscing. Anon mentioned that road trip beatings have probably ceased because of all the multimedia options available in cars today, and I bet that's true. So i had to recollect about the roadtrip fun my brother and I had as youngsters.

I am 2 years and 7 months older than my brother. That being said, he just bought a house (in the Heather Ridge subdivision, aw) and has been married for more than a year. He also has a masters degree. While I will be paying off groceries from my Jersey City days in 2000 before I can even think of purchasing anything bigger than a new pair of boots, this kid has hit shit together. Perhaps my beatings inspired him to strive. (side note: that atomic wedgie when he was 8 also might have).

Back to the road trips...when we were wee ones, we lived in upstate New York, Rochester to be exact. Our entire extended family lived near Detroit, MI. So from 1983-1986, every Christmas holiday we would drive the 6 hours through Canada to visit the family in Detroit (side note: that Ambassador Bridge still scares the bejesus out of me). My parents purchased us a red, portable Texas Instruments tape recorder and off we went with our tapes of "Cabbage Patch Kids" and the soundtrack to the musical "Annie," and kids singer Raffi. And after our first trip to Michigan, with only one pee break courtesy of my dad and Father Time, my parents decided they had to put the cooler between my brother and I, since I just couldn't keep my tiny fists off him. I was one little biyatch.

I don't really remember all the details of every car trip, but there's a vague sense of my poor harried mother trying not to lose her shit, cooped in a station wagon for 6 hours, trying to keep 2 kids from killing each other in the back seat. I remember her half turned for almost the whole ride, trying to separate us and shut us up. Annie and Raffi and Cabbage Patch Kids helped. One year, I even got to sit in the front because I was such a brat. So you know damn well I will be blessed with kids even worse.

Ah, those car trips I will always remember. And I'm sad that kids today are too distracted with Disney DVD's to listen to cheesy tapes, or to pound their brother, or to drive their parents crazy in the front seat. For all the times we probably drove each other nuts, we still always remember.

Chuck Norris is a bad motherfucker

These were just too funny to pass up posting, although they are not my personal comments. I just thought all you readers might like a little fun on the Wednesday of the longest week ever (although Chuck Norris would have kicked this day into Friday if he could - that was mine).
More posts to come soon, I have been quite busy between my job and very busy social calendar (ha). My favorites are highlighted below.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and
only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped
if you park there.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.

Bizarro world

So I find Tooly McTool on the train yesterday - I have to squeeze past his leisurely lean against the middle pole on a 1 train because HE IS WATCHING HIS PORTABLE DVD PLAYER. With the evil rays shooting from my eyes directed at him, you'd at least think his neck would get hot and he'd turn to see who was glaring, but no. He kept right on hogging his space on a RUSH HOUR train and laughing at Seinfeld. Um, buddy, it's not new. You own it. Wait until you get home. Or buy a portable iPod - you can watch movies and stuff on there now too. I wanted someone to bump into him so he'd drop his dumb DVD player. I mean, what is wrong with people?

The other delightful person I saw yesterday was a pregnant woman - about 7 months or so - boarding the bus with a 20 oz Pepsi. Not diet, not caffeine free. Wow, she is all about the fetal health. And we wonder why kids are diagnosed with ADHD. One should really be required to be licensed to give birth - seriously.

Haven't written a rant post in a while, but I figured it was time because there are just so many idiots, especially in NY on public transportation. Also, I never even took the time to bitch about the whole James Frey debacle, so you all saved an ear/eyeful on that one (unless you have actually spoken with me recently, in which case, i'm sorry you were not spared).

The quest for perfect nachos - Part 1

So this being the start of a new year, I felt it time to really hunker down and find the perfect nachos in Manhattan. I must admit, I'd slacked a bit - for lack of funds, for want of weight loss, for sheer laziness. But no more...I am taking my challenge to a whole new level of nachoness.

What prompted me to really take this on? Well, on Monday evening, after helping my boyfriend with a nearly insurmountable mound of laundry, we decided to treat ourselves to some grub. Our general fault with the upper west side (where he lives) is a lack of decent, cheap eats that aren't diner-fare. We decided to hit Firehouse, a bar/restaurant that I've visited several times in the past and have always had luck with (their quesadilla with mole sauce is quite good).

The nachos were near ideal. The layering was perfectly intact here - 2 very distinct separate layers of cheese, spread very evenly over the tri-color chips. A nice spread of salsa and sour cream on top as well, not plopped on either side of the mound. Although they did drop a notch because the salsa and sour cream layers were thin - so the lower cheesy layer was a bit dry.

But, I decided the next time that I would just order an extra side of salsa and I think that minor problem would be alleviated. I give Firehouse Nachos an 8 out of 10. They're at the top of my list so far. (http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/7169111/)

I will also mention we had "Deep Dish Nachos" at Westside Brewing Co. last week - that was a first try and I was pretty impressed, although they spent a few extra minutes in the oven, because the top layer was a bit too crisp, with a little burn taste. However, the cheese again was nicely layered, although the glops of sour cream and guac on either side left something to be desired, and the bowl of thin salsa was not quite up to par (especially since the salsa should go on top, not to be dunked on the side). I give Westside Brewing Co. a 6.5. (http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/7169123/)

To join other nacho fans, check out http://enjoynachos.com/ and http://www.nachosrule.com/

The roses really smell like poo-oo-oo

Well, Rockstar is right. Cadbury Mini-Eggs are my absolute favorite holiday candy. And I saw them at CVS yesterday. Oh yes, they will be mine.


On a completely unrelated note, this past weekend, someone in my building (I can basically pinpoint it to the 2nd floor) decided it would be a good idea to Manhattan dumpster-dive for the foulest fish they could find, and then cook it with some stank-ass spices. I seriously thought something had died in my apartment. The day before, I put some fresh poison out for the mousie that thought pooping on my counters was his sole purpose in life, so I went searching under every crevice for a konked mouse. (Related note: said mouse was found stuck to an old glue trap under my stove yesterday. There was no struggle, so I believe the poison got him first, and he was trying to counteract the poison by trying to pry one of the peanuts from the trap. Note to mice: I don't play, I make you go away.)

But I couldn't find anything in my apt. where the stank would be coming from. Then my boyfriend tells me I should open the door to see if it was actually cooking from in the building...for some reason, this thought had not occurred to me. The minute the door opened, the stench flew in like some stank-poltergeist.

We left soon after that, and dryheaved on the 4 flights down until fresh air. The thing that really scares me is that someone ate the stank. That just couldn't have been good. It reminds me of one of my first roommates when I moved to Hoboken, NJ - we called him Magilla, because he was one hairy ape. He used to cook bargain-bin salmon for dinner nightly. Again, nothing better than throwing up in my mouth while trying to leave my own apartment.

There's still a little stank filtering through the hallways, even today. Ick.

Sugar high

WOOOOOOOOOOOO! Valentine's Day goods are on the shelves, which means my 2nd favorite holiday candy of all time is available - Sweet Tart Hearts! I just made myself sick upon consumption of, oh, maybe half a bag. Well worth it.

Are you interested to know my #1 all-time favorite holiday candy? You'll have to wait for easter.....heathens.

Also, the sky is falling here in NY today - I'm only on the 5th floor of my building, and can barely see across the street to spy on the folks at Hot 97, NY's #1 urban radio station. Shucks. Crazy fog - I feel like I'm enveloped by cotton.

This is for you, haters

So have heard some gripes that my blog ain't really a blog because I don't post on it regularly. I have decided to try and amend this and will claim it as a "New Year's Resolution." I don't necessarily believe in the "NYR" as most people do, since most people think of it as a short-lived quick fix that lasts until February (which I also might add, coincides with my gym actually emptying out because you people finally decided you'd rather do anything than exercise in the evening. Hallelujah, more machine time/less wait for me!)

Instead, I tend to think of the start of a new year as time to reassess and try and make a solid effort at changing/bettering things in my life that I am not happy with. And I consider it a personal challenge to myself, which is much more effective than some silly resolution.

So here is my first post of the year (albeit 12 days after the start). But this is me - out there for you - making an effort.

One love.